That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
