She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
