Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
