Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
