is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
