Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
