I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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