i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
