It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
