Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
