This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
