i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
