our cab driver is having phone sex.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i've created a new STD.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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