Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
