It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
