i barfeds in our rink
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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