You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
