forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
