I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
