dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
