i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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