If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize