...so i touched it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
