True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
