Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
