I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
