I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
