What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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