Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
