Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
