No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
