1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
