My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
