After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
