I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
