Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
