theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
