A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
