I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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