woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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