Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize