Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
