five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
