We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
