i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He passed out mid-signature
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
