Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
