4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
