He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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