Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
