Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
