Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
