I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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