just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
