Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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