Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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