my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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