Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
