His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
