I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
