You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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