I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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