we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
