Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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