I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
