That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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