girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
