I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
