You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
