Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
