I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
