she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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