i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
