He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
