Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I skipped work to stalk him.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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